


Be Careful What You Wish For

by manzokuda



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, BAMF Kakashi, It just happened okay, KakaIru Exchange 2019, M/M, Oneshot, Philosopher!Kakashi, awkward romance is my signature, bamf iruka, fail!dad Kakashi, sort-of mission fic, still better than in canon Naruto, they take turns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 23:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manzokuda/pseuds/manzokuda
Summary: Naruto has one wish: to get Iruka-sensei together with his Kaka-nii-chan.Be careful what you wish for, Naruto!





	Be Careful What You Wish For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NathTE](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NathTE/gifts).



> This story is for NathTE, who requested:
> 
> \- mission romance/ANBU  
> \- "Every time I look at you, it's like everything changed, but at the same time... It didn't."  
> \- Naruto decides that Iruka is the perfect boyfriend/partner for his Kaka-nii-chan. The teacher is pretty, nice, has the best laugh, buys him the best ramen, and isn't easily intimidated by Kakashi's reputation. And most importantly, he makes his nii-chan smile for real. So, Naruto had to do something, anything, to get them together. 
> 
> \---
> 
> I tried to fit it all in, so just roll with it.
> 
> Naruto is 9, Iruka is 19, Kakashi is 23.
> 
> Thanks to myka1231 for helping me figure out the ending!

There was something going on with Naruto.

Iruka conducted his history lesson on autopilot, chalk scratching on the blackboard and scanning the classroom for the least attentive students to call on. All the while, his brain was furiously pondering the topic of one Uzumaki Naruto, #1 Prankster of Konoha.

It had only been one week since the last time he had dragged a relatively chastised post-destructive Naruto back to his laid-back guardian, who had eye-smiled and “maa-maa’d” as annoyingly as usual before ushering his wayward charge inside.

Iruka should have had _at least_ three more trouble-free weeks before Naruto was back to his regularly scheduled antics. The other teachers might think of Naruto as a wildcard, but Iruka had long since figured him out. Naruto caused mischief in one-month cycles which shortened drastically when his guardian spent more than forty percent of the month away on missions. However, as far as Iruka knew, from working in the mission room, Kakashi hadn’t been sent on an away mission in weeks.

And really, Naruto’s pranks weren’t cruel. If Iruka managed to set aside his cloak of responsible teacher-hood for a moment, he might even be a little… proud… of Naruto’s innovative cleverness as a former prankster himself.

The problem with Naruto… It was just, all the _staring_.

It was getting on Iruka’s nerves.

He could feel Naruto’s eyes on him every time he looked away, and every time he glanced back, Naruto’s face would be arranged in the most awfully put-upon mask of innocence. No, Naruto could never go undercover with that hideous lack of acting ability. And whatever Naruto had planned next, it somehow involved Iruka.

As Iruka dismissed the class for lunch, Naruto lingered in the doorway, which was another sign that something was wrong. Naruto was always the first one out the door so he could get to eat faster and then try to con his classmates out of their own lunches. Hinata-chan was the only sucker who fell for Naruto's BS time and time again. Iruka sincerely hoped she would eventually learn to harden her heart a little before she passed out during afternoon training one day.

“How can I help you, Naruto-kun?” Iruka inquired, straightening a stack of papers against the desk with a crisp tap.

Naruto fidgeted a little and scratched his head, eyes squinting. “Er… Iruka-sensei… What are your hobbies?”

Interesting. Well, it couldn’t hurt to see where Naruto was going with this. “I really enjoy going to the onsen, it’s very relaxing. What about your hobbies?”

Naruto blushed, and ran off, voice trailing after him. “Kthanksbye~!”

Oh shit, did Naruto have a crush on him?!

\-----

Naruto really liked Iruka-sensei.

He was nice to him, not like those fake jerks at the market who smiled and gushed at Kaka-nii-chan only to glare at Naruto as soon as his guardian looked away. Some were better at pretending than others. They would say nice things to him when Kaka-nii-chan was around, and ignore Naruto when he wasn’t. But the truth was always in their eyes.

Iruka-sensei wasn’t like that. His eyes were a warm brown and made Naruto feel like he was wrapped in a cozy blanket. Even when Iruka-sensei was yelling at him, he didn’t get scared. He just felt bad for disappointing him. Naruto couldn’t help it. Every once in a while he just got fidgety and all sorts of awesome ideas came into his head… ideas that got him in big trouble.

Also, Iruka-sensei took him out for ramen, and sometimes let Kaka-nii-chan tag along, and actually made his nii-chan smile for real.

All Naruto wanted was to have a real family. He loved Kaka-nii-chan because he had saved Naruto from the orphanage, but his nii-chan was not the most friendly of people. The first year they lived together was tough because Naruto had a feeling his nii-chan didn’t know how to deal with kids on a regular basis. Kaka-nii-chan could be cold and distant at times, especially when he was fresh off a long mission, and other times he looked so sad when he looked at Naruto.

Iruka-sensei was pretty and nice and made his nii-chan happy, so Naruto was going to get the two people he most cared about together.

Whatever it took.

\-----

Iruka had a shadow.

He peered into a bin of corn before selecting a few ears to place on the scale. After brutally haggling with the shifty vendor, he finally deposited the agreed upon one-third of the original asking price into the scowling man’s hand. With a smug little smile, he dropped the corn in his shopping bag and turned around.

A bright yellow and orange figure immediately ducked behind a barrel of oranges. A tuft of blond hair stuck up from the top of the barrel, not quite blending in with the color of the fruit. Iruka was about 95% sure that Naruto had not deliberately chosen his hiding place with blending in mind.

He had been pretending not to see Naruto since the boy had started tailing him after the Academy let out for the day. He wondered how long Naruto would follow him, or if he would give up after realizing how boring Iruka’s daily routine was. Of course, if Iruka provided a little additional help in realizing this, it was between him and Kami-sama.

As Iruka left the stall, a hawk’s piercing cry drew his gaze up to the sky. He noticed one of the village’s messenger birds gliding across the market square, a black and white band around one of its legs.

Iruka had been planning on making a few more stops this afternoon, and possibly figuring out a little more of Naruto’s motivation, but it was time to head home.

\-----

Aargh, where did Iruka-sensei go?

Naruto had only looked up for a moment at the bird, and when he looked down again, Iruka-sensei had disappeared. He scrambled from his hiding place and ran to the nearest intersection, peering in all directions for a glimpse of Iruka-sensei’s ponytail. Then he moved on to the next intersection and the next until he traveled all the way around the square and back to where he started. Naruto sighed and slumped against a wall.

So much for finding out if Iruka-sensei was dating anyone. All Naruto had found out from his surveillance was that Iruka-sensei took forever to pick out vegetables. He had to check out _every single eggplant_ before picking one. Also, Iruka-sensei could get pretty scary when he was looking to save money. 

Iruka-sensei had been an orphan, too. He understood what it was like to be hungry and unwanted and cold. Even though Naruto had been at the orphanage since he was a baby, he knew that the caretakers didn’t treat Naruto the same as the other orphans. He always got the worst and the least. The worst blanket, full of holes and thin as rice paper. The least amount of food for each meal.

Kaka-nii-chan had rescued him from that life. He was lucky. He had started to hear rumors that they were going to kick him out soon, that he would be living on his own. In a way, he had longed for the privacy and distance from the tormenting of his fellow orphans, but he was scared too, because he knew how the villagers treated him already when he escaped his caretaker and wandered around the streets of Konoha. If they treated him this way even with the dubious protection of his caretakers, how much worse would it be when he was on his own?

The familiarity of the orphanage was a strange comfort to him. Better the devil you know, after all.

And then one day, Kaka-nii-chan walked in the orphanage gates and gave him another option. His guardian’s neutrality and distance was a balm in those days, his voice calm and lacking in either hatred or the false kindness that came before a sweetly vicious comment.

It wasn’t until he became more comfortable living with Kaka-nii-chan that he started longing for more affection and started calling his guardian a more familial nickname. His nii-chan just stared at him blankly the first time he used the nickname, then turned back to cooking. Naruto figured that if his nii-chan didn’t like it, he would say something. Until then, Naruto would continue to fight for his perfect family.

Naruto forced himself to shake off his memories. Since he hadn’t managed to trail Iruka-sensei to his house, he couldn’t peek through windows to see how his teacher lived and get more clues about what Iruka-sensei liked or if he was seeing anyone. Naruto decided to go ahead with the next part of his plan.

He left the market and headed to Hokage Tower, where he snuck in with a crowd of genin and followed them to the mission room. A couple of them looked at him funny, but he puffed out his chest confidently and ignored their looks. He emerged from the group and ran to where the Hokage was sitting behind his big desk, handing out assignments.

“Jiji!” He shouted, smacking his hands on the desk. “I need a mission to an onsen!”

\-----

Iruka let himself into his apartment, toeing off his sandals and heading straight for the kitchen, where he set his knapsack on a chair and dropped his groceries into the trash with a sigh. Only then did he reach for the black and white scroll resting on his kitchen table.

With a small tendril of chakra, he released the seal on the scroll that only three people, including himself, had access to. Inside was a wanted poster and a copy of a file marked with a confidential stamp. The target was a jounin with a bloodline limit who had snapped and killed his teammates last year. He had escaped from prison this morning and the guards sent to retrieve him had just returned after losing his trail.

Iruka hummed softly. He would need to let the Academy know that he would be gone on a mission, maybe to assess the chakra capabilities of a potential pre-genin? No, he’d used that excuse the last time. Another C-rank mission to keep his skills from getting rusty? But everyone knew that the mission desk scheduled missions for Academy staff around breaks for the specific purpose of not disrupting the children's learning, especially the elite children of clans who had political power.

Chakra assessment it was, then. It happened often enough that it wouldn’t be suspicious, and he didn’t get these types of missions often enough that it would be a pattern.

A firm knock on his door had Iruka re-sealing the scroll and pulling out a kunai as he went to answer it. He opened the door and slipped the kunai back into his pouch.

“Just in time,” Iruka said crisply, heading toward his bedroom for supplies.

“Time is but a human construct--”

“Have you noticed anything weird about Naruto in the past few days?” Iruka interrupted, sounds of rustling emerging from the open doorway of the bedroom.

Kakashi scratched his head and leaned against the closed front door, gazing up at the ceiling. “What is weird? Perhaps it is merely a state of mind…”

Iruka threw a ration bar at Kakashi’s head from inside the bedroom. Kakashi lazily snatched it from the air before it hit his face.

“Shut up and eat something, idiot. You’re getting philosophical--when’s the last time you ate?”

Iruka had lost track of the amount of times Kakashi skipped meals. It definitely wasn’t just genetics that gave Kakashi that beanpole physique. The wiry muscles that wrapped around Kakashi’s bones were in spite of his diet rather than because of it. Iruka had finally given up and started hoarding high protein rations to supplement Kakashi’s diet of air and porn.

“Ration bars are the devil’s food, Iruka-chan~”

“Don’t you _chan_ me, and why don’t you take a closer look?”

Kakashi glanced down at the ration bar still in his hand and perked up. “Ohoho~ An Akimichi owe you a favor? How’d you score one of their experimental recipes?”

Akimichi culinary experiments were a closely guarded clan secret. It was rare that an outsider was allowed to taste the glorious and miraculous creations outside of actually going on a mission with an Akimichi who owed you a favor.

"Akimichi Chouji is in my class, and his mother is very generous," Iruka replied as the sound of the closet door shutting reached Kakashi's ears.

A hunter-nin walked out of Iruka’s bedroom with a mission pack and katana slung over his shoulder. He approached Kakashi, who was stuffing his face with savory barbecue flavored rations, his mask pooled under his chin. A hand reached out to grab Kakashi’s wrist, while the other pushed the blank white mask up to reveal Iruka’s face, a smirk on his lips and eyes mischievous.

Iruka pulled Kakashi’s wrist closer, took a big bite out of the remainder of the ration bar, chewed slowly, swallowed, then replied, “Take your time and enjoy it, that’s the last one I have.”

Iruka straightened his mask, turned around, and entered the kitchen, returning with a tied-off trash bag. Kakashi’s cheeks were bulging like a hamster’s and his mask was back up.

“Ready?”

Kakashi nodded, chewing slowly.

Iruka set the trash bag down briefly, henge’d into his usual outfit of vest and shinobi blacks, and picked up the trash bag again. “Let’s go.”

He hurled the trash bag off his balcony, where it arced over the walkway and landed in the open dumpster set against the wall, and briefly stopped by Suzume-sensei’s residence, two floors down, to let her know that he needed a substitute while he was gone. All the while, she vacillated between ogling Kakashi and eyeing Iruka jealously.

“So about Naruto,” Iruka started as they turned toward the gates.

“Maa…” Kakashi said. “I think he has a crush on you.”

And started running for it, Iruka cursing and chasing after him.

\-----

“Whaaaaat?!” Naruto screamed. “Kaka-nii-chan’s already on a mission?!”

“I’m sorry, Naruto,” the Hokage replied, puffing on his pipe. “I thought I’d given him enough time to say goodbye to you before he left…”

Naruto flushed guiltily. He hadn’t made it home after school to say goodbye to his nii-chan because he had been following Iruka-sensei. Most likely, Kaka-nii-chan had left him a note like usual if they couldn’t say goodbye in person, but Naruto really liked being able to see his nii-chan before he left on missions. If anything happened to Kaka-nii-chan while he was gone, Naruto didn’t want to have any regrets. And demanding that Kaka-nii-chan stay safe made him feel better too, even if he knew nobody could promise that, not even someone as strong as Kaka-nii-chan.

Hokage-jiji must have seen the disappointment on Naruto’s face, because he handed him a handful of ryo and told him to have a bowl of ramen on him.

Even Ichiraku’s savory pork bone broth and deliciously chewy noodles couldn’t cheer Naruto up. Not only was his nii-chan gone for who knows how long, he had barely gotten anywhere on his plan to get his favorite teacher and his nii-chan together.

As Naruto sat in Ichiraku, his short legs swinging on the bar stool, he remembered the sound of Iruka-sensei giggling (giggling!) as Kaka-nii-chan’s lazy drawl described some story about some of his nii-chan’s weird friends. Naruto hadn’t paid attention to the actual story, because what kind of monster could focus on anything else when ramen was in his face? What lingered in his memory was the warmth of Kaka-nii-chan’s body seated on one side of him and Iruka-sensei on the other, the soothing tones of their voices passing over his head, and the satisfying fullness of his belly as he finished off his ramen.

A loud screech from beyond the hanging noren startled Naruto out of his reverie, and he ducked down a little as some of his classmates ran past Ichiraku, so close that the fabric of the divided curtain ruffled in their wake. He really didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now, especially his fellow pre-genin who alternately ignored him or pestered him for information on the famous Sharingan Kakashi.

He thanked Ayame-nee-san for the meal, then wandered back home. The first few days after Naruto went to live with Kaka-ni-chan, he stayed with him in the jounin barracks in a one-room apartment. It was literally a small white box of a place, without even a kitchenette, decorations, or personal items. The bathroom was shared by the tenants of the entire floor. Kakashi slept on the floor in a bedroll, while Naruto slept on the narrow bed.

From one day to the next, Kaka-nii-chan found a place that seemed more like home than a place to squat. Naruto hoped his nii-chan hadn’t been there for long. He thought it was sad that the place seemed so empty.

Naruto went up the steps to the second floor and hesitated before pushing his key in the lock. It was dark inside and he held back a sigh as he bent to remove his shoes.

“Yo.”

Naruto screamed and flailed and tripped over his half-removed sandals, landing face first on the wooden floorboards.

Toenails clicked on the floor and four small paws approached him. Naruto’s eyes turned up to see a small pug standing over his head judging him with beady black eyes.

“Pakkun…”

“I’m here to babysit you, pup. Be entertained by how soft and squishy my paws are.” Pakkun lifted one leg and placed his paw on Naruto’s nose.

Naruto scrambled off the floor until he was towering over Pakkun and scowled. “I don’t need a babysitter!”

“Ah? But you had trouble taking off your shoes. Shall we practice?”

Naruto growled under his breath and switched on the lights, walking toward his room. “You scared me! And it was dark! I don’t need a babysitter, you should be with Kaka-nii-chan. What if he needs you?”

Pakkun trotted after him. “If he needed me, I would be there.”

“That’s what I’m saying, you should be there!”

“If I’m not there, then he doesn’t need me. You need me more. I don’t wear shoes, but I have helped Kakashi take his off a time or two. You can call me shoe-sensei.”

“Aargh!” Naruto cried, banging his head on the wall.

\-----

As soon as they passed the guards at the gate, both Iruka and Kakashi sped up into a comfortable run to the last known location of the missing nin before the trackers had lost his trail. They ran through the trees silently for a few hours before they both dropped their henge, Kakashi poofing into his ANBU attire and Iruka wearing a very similar uniform other than the pure white mask that designated him as a Konoha hunter-nin.

Technically, Kakashi had retired from ANBU when he decided to adopt Naruto two years ago at the age of 7. The ripple effect of the Uchiha massacre had spread throughout the village, and it had been a wake-up call for Kakashi. There was no way he had been ready to take care of a child after the trauma of losing first Obito, then Rin, then Minato and Kushina in quick succession. It had taken the immense loss of the majority of the Uchiha clan to break Kakashi out of ANBU life and keep his promise to Minato-sensei to protect his child.

He only continued to pick up these occasional missions because of Iruka. When Iruka first started his hunter-nin apprenticeship, Kakashi hadn’t thought much of the newly inducted chuunin. He, like many of the other ANBU, had looked at the unassuming chuunin incredulously. They’d all thought that Newt, Iruka’s mentor, was going senile.

However, it hadn’t taken long for them to come around. Iruka’s work ethic, determination, and friendly mischief had helped him bond with the ANBU even though he officially worked apart from them. Iruka hadn’t taken any of their attempts to haze him lying down. He gave back as good as he got, and in such a sly, sneaky way that invited them to laugh with him instead of taking further offense. Kakashi, in particular, found himself drawn to Iruka’s smiles even during his darkest moments, and an unlikely friendship had arisen.

Two years ago, he only retired from ANBU on the condition that any time Quail needed an additional tracker for his hunter-nin missions, Hound would be his partner.

Iruka signaled for a halt as the sky darkened, and Kakashi paused on a branch while Iruka hopped up into the canopy to inspect the weather conditions. With a soft tap, Iruka landed back on Kakashi’s branch and said, “Looks like no rain. Stop for the night?”

Kakashi shrugged. On missions like this, Iruka was team lead, and Kakashi played support. Nothing usually happened until they got close to the missing nin, and it was nice to relax and observe Iruka work. Almost like a vacation. Of course, he would never suggest such an idea to Iruka, because when Iruka was in hunter-nin mode, he was all work and no play.

They continued on silently for a few minutes until Iruka found a good defensible spot to set up camp. Kakashi helped Iruka set up some traps around the perimeter while Iruka set up a strong barrier seal around the camp itself. Kakashi returned in time to help Iruka push chakra into the seal, as both of them had average chakra reserves.

Only after they had both set up their bedrolls did Iruka take off his mask. Kakashi followed suit, sliding his mask to the side of his head for easy access. Kakashi’s eyes were drawn to how strands of hair had slipped from Iruka’s ponytail holder to messily frame his face.

“I wonder if Naruto will go to bed on time tonight,” Kakashi mused, lingering on Iruka’s features like a caress.

Naruto really didn’t have a set bedtime, but it seemed like something Iruka would like him to say, and Kakashi really liked getting to know Iruka better.

“Probably not,” Iruka huffed out a soft laugh. “I hope he doesn’t cause problems for the substitute tomorrow.”

“Pakkun will let me know if anything happens.”

Iruka straightened up from his slouch. “You left _Pakkun_ with him? You know Pakkun drives Naruto crazy!”

“Crazy is as crazy does. Who are we to determine the extent of one's sanity--"

Iruka smacked him with another ration bar. Kakashi glanced down at the package that had bounced off his chest armor and landed in his lap, and pouted. “This is a standard field ration…”

Iruka laughed at his hangdog expression. “I told you that was the last one.”

“Mou, Iruka-chan is so mean~ Laughing at my misery...”

Iruka rolled his eyes, then narrowed them at him. “Eat, Kakashi. Or I’ll make you regret it later.”

With a dramatic sigh, Kakashi lowered his mask, unwrapped the dry, tasteless ration bar and took a small, reluctant bite and tried to swallow it without tasting it. Iruka was doing the same, but taking larger bites to try and finish more quickly. Kakashi caught himself staring at Iruka’s mouth as he chewed, and when Iruka's tongue flicked out to capture a few stray crumbs lingering at the corner of his lips, suddenly found himself looking elsewhere as a strange heat flushed through his stomach and chest.

\-----

When Iruka had first met Kakashi, he was a little intimidated and a lot annoyed. It was hard not to be intimidated by all of Kakashi's monikers like Copynin and Sharingan Kakashi, and let's not forget the endearing nickname _Friend-Killer Kakashi_. However, Iruka was not only a ninja, but also a cynic. He understood the power of gossip, especially when used to spread misinformation or for spite.

His reputation was not what made Kakashi annoying. It was his utter lack of disregard for professionalism in his attempts to continuously take potshots at Iruka for all of his perceived faults. In short, Kakashi was a massive asshole.

Iruka, unlike Kakashi, took pride in his professionalism. He was painfully polite and friendly to Kakashi and his band of jerkfaces, even when they insinuated things about him or played pranks on him in the locker room or on the training grounds. Iruka could make a diplomatic conversation sound like the worst insult without the other party being able to figure out _how_ they had been insulted. And let's not forget about Iruka's prankster history. He might have left it in the past when he became a chuunin and was recruited by Newt, but he hadn't _forgotten_ anything. And if he happened to impress the ANBU he was training with, all the better.

He couldn't remember a specific moment when his disdain of the ANBU 'thugs' became his own admiration. Iruka just realized one day that when he was pretending to smile at Genma's joke, it wasn't fake anymore, and that their teasing had become just that. Friendly instead of purposefully cruel and divisive. He realized that there was more to Kakashi than just an asshole, and that he could be ridiculous and funny, and maybe only 90% annoying.

Of course, what fun would it be if he didn't keep them on their toes occasionally with a harmless prank or two?

"Ueda Yuuma," Kakashi mused, distracting Iruka from his thoughts, lovely half-visualized plans for his next ANBU prank dissipating into the ether. "I think I went on a mission with him before."

Normally, that statement would have excluded Kakashi from the potential assignments for this mission due to conflict of interest, but Iruka would be hard-pressed to find _any_ chuunin or higher that Kakashi hadn't worked with in his illustrious and lengthy career, and definitely no tracker with a high enough security clearance that could compare to Kakashi and his ninken.

"Oh?" Iruka replied, refocusing on the present. Although they were on standby until the morning when they'd resume their hunt, it couldn't hurt to do a psychological profile of the missing nin in the meantime. "Any observations?"

Kakashi's face was cast into shadow by the light of the waning moon, but turned in Iruka's direction. He spoke softly even though the barrier seal contained a one-way sound element allowing sound in to warn them, but nothing that could give away their position or allow their secrets out.

"It was a few years back, a few months before he killed his teammates. We went to Suna, he complained a lot."

Iruka hummed softly to indicate he was listening, watching absentmindedly as Kakashi's hair ruffled in the slight breeze.

"His bloodline limit will be a bitch to neutralize. He uses his stone skin on a hair trigger and can maintain it indefinitely."

"What else?"

"He mentioned something about relatives in Suna that he wanted to avoid."

"Do you think he would seek shelter with them?"

Kakashi tipped his head slightly and the light shifted enough to reveal his dark eye watching Iruka intently. He didn't know why that steady gaze on him made him want to fidget, but focused on settling his sudden nerves in the long silence.

"I wouldn't know," Kakashi replied finally.

"I can't imagine that his family would be happy to take him in after knowing he's unstable," Iruka pondered. "Although the direction he's heading in could be a misdirection and he'll double back."

Kakashi looked down and his face was in shadows again. "I'll take first watch," he said abruptly, and took to the trees.

The sudden removal of Kakashi's presence felt like a deeper loss, and Iruka wondered if the turn their conversation took brought up bad memories of Kakashi's childhood and his own experience with shame for his loved one's actions.

As the night deepened around them, their teasing banter had turned into melancholy and introspection. Regardless, there was something to be said for feeling like the only two people left in the world.

With a quiet sigh, Iruka settled down for a quick nap.

\-----

Iruka took his turn on watch, then lightly touched Kakashi's shoulder in the pre-dawn gloom. Kakashi blinked his eyes and rolled quickly to his feet. They packed up silently, disassembled the traps and barrier seal, and were on their way.

They reached Ueda's last known location just past dawn and Kakashi called on his ninken to follow the trail. Although a bit stale, they found the scent easily enough and tracked it as the day lingered on.

There was no more banter and barely any talking, their conversations brief and held mostly through field signs. It was that point in a hunter-nin mission when all energy was directed into retrieval or disposal.

Iruka noticed Kakashi's body language submerging into Hound's, the difference slight to eyes that didn't know him as well as Iruka had learned to. It was a straightening of the spine, a chill in Hound's exposed eye, a deadly grace to his movements instead of a lazy languor.

He could feel his own personality slowly being obscured by Quail's as they traveled on. It was a necessary evil that allowed him to do things to protect Konoha that would cause Iruka the pre-genin teacher to hesitate, which would be as good as suicide and a failed mission in most cases.

Konoha's beloved Iruka-sensei had no place here.

\-----

Naruto woke up to the sound of scratching.

"Wake up, pup," Pakkun grunted from behind his bedroom door.

Naruto grumbled and flopped over onto his belly, wiggling like an inchworm until his head was hiding under his pillow to avoid the sunlight streaming in.

"I said, WAKE UP." Pakkun's growling voice came from right next to Naruto's ear and Naruto screeched and tumbled off his bed in a tangle of sheets and blankets.

Naruto blinked sleepy, crusty eyes as Pakkun delicately hopped off the bed to land at Naruto's feet.

"You're going to be late for school. Don't forget your lunch. It's in the fridge." Pakkun trotted off.

"You can _cook_?!" Naruto shouted after him, scratching his head in confusion.

There was no reply, so muttering under his breath, Naruto got ready for school. He half-heartedly scrubbed under his armpits and sniffed one of the shirts lying on the floor before shrugging and putting it on.

Naruto wondered what kind of food dogs knew how to cook as he entered the kitchen and opened the fridge door only to sweat drop at the sheer number of convenience store bento stacked inside. Could you tell that his Kaka-nii-chan hated cooking? Hopefully Iruka-sensei could cook, otherwise they were doomed.

Naruto grabbed a bento box and shuffled into his sandals. He called out a farewell to Pakkun before heading toward the Academy.

Kaka-nii-chan being on a mission could be a good thing. That way he wouldn't be suspicious if Naruto wasn't home after school while he investigated Iruka-sensei's personal life. Pakkun was totally bribeable. A steak or two and he would sell out his own mother.

Whistling, Naruto walked into the classroom and shouted cheerfully, "Good morning, Iruka-sensei… WHO ARE YOU, IMPOSTER?!"

Sakura smacked him on the head and turned to the stranger standing at the front of the room and said sweetly, "I apologize for my classmate. He was dropped on his head as a baby."

"Troublesome," Shikamaru said, squeezing past Naruto, who was curled up and holding his head in pain. "Iruka-sensei is not here today. This is Takeda-sensei."

"What? Whaaat?! Iruka-sensei isn't here either? Aaaarghhhh!"

\-----

_Close_. Quail signaled as he felt the target's chakra up ahead. _Flank-dogs_.

Hound nodded and silently redirected his ninken. _Plan?_

_Yes. Follow. Wait for signal._

Quail waited for Hound's confirmation before he took off, veering to the left and beginning to craft his genjutsu. He started with a tiny thread of chakra, weaving it into Ueda's perception.

_**Still running. Whistle of wind in your ears. Whisper of breath from your mouth. Pressure in your chest, lungs struggling to fill with oxygen.** _

Ueda had come to a halt on an understory branch, breathing labored and eyes glazed. Quail approached swiftly, reaching into his pocket for the chakra cuffs that would lock down the missing nin's bloodline limit.

Quail saw it happening in slow motion. A snake hissed at the disturbance to its territory. A strike. Ueda exploded into motion, freed from the genjutsu, his skin hardening with the transformation, and an unknown jutsu arrowing Quail's way.

Quail managed to dodge just in time, skidding in the underbrush at the same time as he hurled a spray of senbon to distract Ueda.

At the same time, a water dragon attacked Ueda from Hound's direction, sending Ueda flying back and turning the clearing into a muddy swamp. Quail took a chance and bridged the gap between them, knowing that his taijutsu was stronger than his ninjutsu and could maintain it for longer periods if needed, even with the stone skin reducing his hits to mere mosquito bites.

Mud went flying and traction was a serious issue as they traded hits. Quail took a crushing hit to his ribs from a stone-reinforced fist and hissed, an idea crossing his mind suddenly. He pretended to be far more injured than he was and _howled_.

From the woods all around them came answering howls as Hound's ninken burst out of the foliage, chomping down on Ueda's stone legs with their teeth, holding Ueda in place long enough for the sound of a thousand chirping birds to fill the air and condense into an electrified fist to the chest.

Ueda staggered, a thread of blood staining his shirt where Hound had cracked his stone armor. He would have rallied and continued fighting, but Quail decided enough was enough. He leaned up and snapped the chakra cuffs on Ueda's wrists.

Between one second and the next, Ueda's skin returned to normal from his extremities inward as the cuffs sucked at his chakra. He slumped to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut. Without his chakra, he had no strength left.

"I'll kill you all," Ueda hissed, managing to turn his face up, madness in his gaze.

The words from the mission scroll flashed through Quail's mind. _'Target did not pass psychological evaluation. All therapies failed. Target is a threat to Konoha.'_

Quail reached for his sword and cut off Ueda's head.

Hound kept watch while Quail removed the cuffs, sealed Ueda's head into a scroll, and properly disposed of the remaining body with powders and jutsu until no biological trace remained.

\-----

Kakashi finished setting the traps and headed back to camp only to find Iruka missing. Beginning the return journey had drained some of the adrenaline from the hunt, but something that felt a lot like impatience was still coursing through his veins. He didn't feel like waiting patiently for Iruka to return, so he set off to find his friend through the dappled moonlight.

He followed Iruka's chakra a short distance away, toward a burbling stream. He rounded a corner and immediately forgot what he was going to say, or even how to speak at all.

Skin.

Miles of sleek, tan skin.

Glistening with water as Iruka stood with his back to him in the middle of the stream, mud-soaked clothes discarded on a nearby rock.

Kakashi swallowed harshly as his body, mind and heart all finally got into line, like a rare celestial event.

_Oh._

Iruka turned his head and glanced at Kakashi over his shoulder, and Kakashi knew that he was Iruka again, and Quail was once again hidden until he was needed the next time. Iruka's dark eyes were endless and deep, drawing Kakashi forward like a compass to magnetic north.

He shrugged off his vest and stripped efficiently, leaving only his mask and forehead protector on. Iruka watched and turned to face him as he dropped his own clothes on the shore, moving through the cold water to meet Iruka in the middle, smooth rocks under his soles.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Iruka replied, a wry smile on his face. "You have mud on your mask."

"Oh?" Kakashi flushed as he pulled it off his head, forehead protector getting twisted in his increasingly frantic attempts.

Two strong hands reached up slowly to help keep the cloth over his Sharingan as Kakashi finally got the offending cloth mask off. Iruka's hands brushed his cheeks lightly as he lowered them, only for Kakashi to grasp his wrists and kiss him.

Soft, and warm, and _alive_. Iruka gasped into his mouth and Kakashi deepened the kiss, licking in and _oh_ , Iruka tasted like a dream, or a genjutsu, smooth and subtle and something you could drown in willingly.

Iruka broke Kakashi's hold on his wrists and took that opportunity to slide his hands back up to tug on Kakashi's hair as they kissed and kissed. Kakashi wrapped his arms around him tightly and Iruka gasped again, but Kakashi knew the sound of pain and let him go, murmuring against his flushed lips.

"Sorry… I forgot about your ribs…"

Iruka pulled away and Kakashi felt the loss inside of him.

"It's okay," Iruka replied, his low, rumbly tone making Kakashi want to kiss him again. "But I should probably bind them before the medics complain."

"The medics complain too much."

"That's because you never follow medical advice...idiot." Iruka smirked.

With that being said, Iruka turned and made his way to shore, and at a certain point where even _more_ of Iruka's skin was revealed, Kakashi had to try and drown himself to quell his heat and avoid further embarrassment.

\-----

Naruto returned home at twilight, sweaty and exhausted from his last prank, which was epic, if he did say so himself. Serves Kaka-nii-chan and Iruka-sensei right for being gone. Although, Fake-keda-sensei had boring reactions. He didn't yell like Iruka-sensei did, or tell him that he was better than that. No, he looked at Naruto like he was a piece of trash and told him to get out.

Naruto perked up when he saw the light on in the kitchen window as he hurried up the stairs. Was Kaka-nii-chan home already?

He burst inside and shouted, "Kaka-nii-chan, I'm hooooommm-- Eh, Iruka-sen-- AARGH, MY EYES!!!"

And thus, Naruto learned that Kami-sama had a terrible sense of humor when it came to granting wishes.


End file.
